Your tits are I can't wait for
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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