What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
