he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
