I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
