Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
