I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
