I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
