You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
