Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
