Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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