can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
