do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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