need another drink. this is the easiest way
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
