i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
