so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
