I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
