I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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