apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
