final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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