btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
