Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
3 2 1 whiskey
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
