I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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