i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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