I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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