I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize