Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
