Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Let's get the cat blown out
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
