real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
