Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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