just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
