dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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