I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
