im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
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