Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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