we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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