In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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