Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
