i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
