I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
