Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm getting married
To pizza
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
