i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
