Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
