So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
