dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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