apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
