I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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