Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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