Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize