So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
