I want to have your abortion
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
