he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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