I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
