guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
