im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
