my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
