I wish my penis had an off switch
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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