there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
