god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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