Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
