We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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