Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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