I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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