Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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