my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
