I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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