I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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