Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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