i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
