clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
