i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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