Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just had sex on a roof
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
