She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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